butch

Holiday Party Style

December is almost over, but the holiday parties are just revving up. Stumped on how to pull off an outfit that’s dapper without trying too hard? Here are some of my suggestions.

The Leather Jacket

I love my leather jacket. No, really. I think it’s my favorite piece ever. It’s nothing fancy, but it fits perfectly. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it a million times before, but a leather jacket that doesn’t fit well looks sloppy and super 80’s. Mine is actually a Wilson’s Leather women’s small. If I had my way, I’d own a Schott leather jacket like this one (I’m obsessed… Someday, I’ll get one). But until I start making some bucks… I’ll continue to wear the hell out of this one. You should be able to zip the jacket up, and it should hit just ABOVE the belt. The body should be tight, and the sleeves should not be at all baggy. Once you get a jacket you love, you can pair it with literally anything, including a tie. This works especially well with a knit tie like this one from American Eagle.

Shirt- H&M

Jeans- Zara

Belt- H&M

Jacket- Wilson’s Leather

Tie- American Eagle

The Solid Bow Tie

I’m always hesitant to wear bow ties, for fear of looking like Jacob’s bar mitvah. But this looks actually works really well for a company party or a holiday concert. If you’re worried about looking infantile, like me, I’d suggest going with a simple, solid color (like the gray one here). Steer clear of crazy patterns and prints. Add some suspenders, but if you’re short, like I am, you’ll want to go with a thinner strap. Pair it with some skinny pants for a more modern look.

Tie- American Apparel

Suspenders- Ebay

Pants- Zara

The Art of Layering…Part II

The Old Standard

Some things will never go out of a style. And a peacoat is one of them. I’ve been wearing one since I was 15, and my grandfather and his Navy buddies wore them long before that. Wall Street boys wear them. Steve McQueen wore them. They’re timeless. And you can do it with just about anything. Try pairing your old peacoat with a chambray shirt, tie and cardigan, like I did here. I also threw in a pair of distressed jeans from All Saints to keep things more casual (it is Friday, after all).

Pro tip: Get a pair of these brogue boots. They’re brogues… but they’re also boots. Get it?! No but really, these things are amazing. The white soul make them casual enough to wear with jeans, but the wingtip stitching and chocolate brown leather makes them dressy enough for a suit.

These came from American Eagle, believe it or not.

Vests: They Aren’t Just for the Woods Anymore

One of my favorite looks right now is a vest over a suit. I know it sounds funny, but trust me. It looks amazing. Put on your favorite suit and top it off with a matte, down vest, like this one with color blocking and gray flannel. Bonus points if it has tweed on it (I just couldn’t find one in my size).

The Toggle Sweater

I love everything toggle… Sweaters, coats… Okay, well maybe that’s it. But still, I love it. Toggle buttons hold this weird juxtaposition of sophistication and Paddington Bear that just really does it for me. Find a good, chunky toggle sweater like this one from H&M, and you can wear it like a jacket, or layer it under a long driving coat like I did. This driving coat is my new favorite, by the way. It’s almost impossible for me to find a long coat that doesn’t come down to my ankles. This Zara boy’s find was a steal. Not the warmest thing ever, but it sure does look great over a heavy sweater.

The First Dapper Butch Giveaway!!

We all like free stuff, right?? Well, that’s why, for the first time ever, I’m doing a Dapper Butch Giveaway!
That’s right. I’m giving away this beautiful slim wallet by J. Folds in red!
All you have to do is follow me on Instagram @thedapperbutch, and “like” this giveaway post! Easy right?? I’ll notify the winner via Instagram on Monday at noon!

In Honor of Friday the 13th– 13 Things that Suck About Being Butch

(In Honor of Friday the 13th) 13 Things that Suck About Being Butch:

1. Those shoes you love? Yeah, they only come as small as a size 7.
2. Those women in the public bathroom who stare at you like they’ve just seen Whitie Bulger peeing next to them.
3. Your mother constantly adding the word “actually” to every compliment– “I ACTUALLY really like that jacket”– as if she’s shocked your diversion from gender binaries could ACTUALLY look good.
4. Any and all straight girls who ask you where all the “cute lesbians are.” (Hello, I’m standing right here, dummy).
5. Online dating. Okay, so this sucks for most people. But admit it, every time a hot girl’s profile says “I only like femmes,” a little part of you dies.
6. Shopping. You have hips. And boobs. And if a shirt fits you around those, it probably won’t anywhere else.
7. Anyone who tells you “you’d look great if you grew your hair out/put on some makeup/wore a dress.”
8. The random asshole who feels the need to comment on your attire (ie “Nice tie.” Thanks for the clever, bigoted back handed compliment, dick hole.)
9. Getting mistaken for a teenage boy. Yeah, it’s been a while since this has happened to me, but when I was student teaching in college, a faculty member at the middle school I was working at actually took me for one of his young, male students. The male part didn’t bother me as much as the adolescent part, I think. Still, I could get rich from all the times I’ve inadvertently impersonated Justin Bieber.
10. Being called “sir.” So, this one isn’t really fair. I mean, what else do we expect when we dress in men’s clothing, have short hair, etc. It bothers me less now than it used to. But sometimes it still makes me squirm.
11. Those who get butch and transgender horribly skewed. Yes, I wear men’s clothing. Yes, I have short hair. No, I do not want top surgery. No, I do not think I am a man. Please stop reminding me of such. Thanks.
12. Interviews. Fuck my life, interviews are horrible when you’re a butch. I remember interviewing for PA school, and actually waking up in a cold sweat because of this. On the one hand, the fact of the matter is some people will judge you on your clothes. And if I happened to get paired up with a conservative, homophobic interviewer, this could easily have been the end of my dreams. On the other hand… no one wants to accept or hire someone who’s clearly ragingly uncomfortable in their own skin. I went out and bought a women’s pant suit, but actually ended up wearing my favorite men’s suit from Zara, finally concluding that I didn’t want to go to a school that refused me based on my clothes. Fortunately, I was accepted to a super-liberal, homo-loving school, and I’m pretty sure my extremely well tailored men’s suit sealed the deal. Lesson? Be yourself. Still, that doesn’t help alleviate the anxiety I feel when I have to dress for a meeting/funeral/wedding/etc and don’t know my audience. In summary… SUCK.
13. But the reality is… BEING BUTCH IS AWESOME. It’s awesome because it’s who we are. And all those other 12 things are insignificant inconveniences compared to not being yourself. Besides… we could be living twenty or thirty years ago, where our lives were at risk for being out. For every size 7 shoe out there that doesn’t fit, there’s a European brand who’s making tinier versions for men and butches of smaller stature. For every hot femme who says she’s only into long haired, leggy blonds, there are at least two more who find your butch swagger and dude-button-downs ridiculously sexy. For every time your mom says you “actually” look good, I bet she also says she wouldn’t want you any other way. And for every time someone makes a snide comment about your tie, there are ten people who tell you how fucking dapper you are.

Just a reminder on this traditionally cursed day of Friday the 13th AND a full moon– keep your heads high, friends. We’re alright.

Product of the Week: Mr. Natty All Over Wax

Product of the Week: Mr Willie Mack’s All Over Wax by Mr. Natty

I know what you’re thinking. Say what????? An ALL OVER wax?? That’s exactly what I said when my friends over at Birchbox Man sent me a sample of Mr.Natty’s All Over Wax. I wasn’t even sure what “all over” meant, never mind what it would look like! But I’ve been thoroughly impressed with this totally unique, convenient new product.

The first thing I noticed, like always, is the packaging. The All Over Wax comes in a cool, round tin that’s small enough to fit in your brief case or gym bag. So, I opened up this bad boy and gave it a whirl, first, applying it conservatively to my arms. Mr. Natty and Birchbox Man insist you can use this stuff anywhere on you… I admit, I was hesitant at first. I usually hate all in one products, finding them mediocre at best in their multitasking skills. But after I dared to try Mr. Natty on my arms, I then ventured to put it in my hair… Yes, *gasp* my hair that I so obsess over. I had to try it. After all, the container says “a fresh head.” The end result? My mane was smoother and softer, and still stayed in place. Don’t believe me? I’ve provided you with photographic evidence.

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Hands down, my favorite thing about the All Over Wax, though, is the smell. I’d use this stuff all day just for the woodsy, patchouli-esque smell. It’s unique, and stays on you. I even used it to cover a sun burn this past week. It left my skin smooth AND smelling amazing.

Don’t forget if you sign up for Birchbox Man you can get great products like this in your monthly box! Not a Birchbox user yet? Sign up today and get points for buying products in their shop!

How to do Provincetown Right

The first time I went to P-Town, I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven… Or, maybe Gay Disney World. Everywhere I looked was one queer person after another. Stores and hotels are blanketed in rainbow flags. Drag Queens ride bikes in glorious 6″ heels down Commercial Street. And best of all, there’s a sort of tangible sense that you belong. But with cute little shop fronts and coffee joints and clubs squashed together like circuit boys at a rave, finding your way can be a little overwhelming. I’ve only been going to P-Town for a handful of years now, but because my girlfriend’s family has a place there, we’re sort of considered mini-locals (and not just because neither Jill or I top 5’2″). So, I’ve taken it apon myself to play tour guide, and give you a butch’s how-to guide for doing-up the great Gay Mecca in style.

SHOPPING:

Because really, this is the most important part of any vacation, right? Okay well, maybe not THE most, but fuck, it’s up there. There are a lot of little chintzy women’s shops in town. But there are also a lot of GREAT menswear selections.

Board Stiff:

Board Stiff is a great little surf shop located on Commercial Street (where most of this stuff is). They carry a variety of products from O’Niel, Hurley, and other swimwear brands, as well as about a billion different kinds of flip flops. Everything here goes for retail price (like everywhere in P-Town), so don’t expect to be blown away by any mid-season sales. But if you’re looking for a new pair of board shorts or Reefs while you’re on vacation, this is the place to do it. Check them out at www.boardstiffprovincetown.com.

Kiss and Makeup:

Both Jill and I are obsessed with this place. Kiss and Makeup is hands down the place to go in Provincetown for any kind of hair or skin product. They carry some of my favorite men’s brands, like Billy Jealousy (try their energizing facial scrub), Clinque, and Ursa Major. But they also rock the local stuff. The last time I went in there, the extremely well-groomed and helpful guy behind the counter introduced me to Previse, a Provincetown based skin care brand that he was happy to offer me full sized samples of (review to come). Christine and her crew are also one of the few stores I’ve found anywhere to carry Malin and Goetz– a skin care line that makes some amazing hair care products (like my favorite, their styling cream, and their pomade). The staff here is fantastic. They’re always beyond helpful and friendly, and if you’re lucky, you might even get to meet Christine’s adorable dog Paddington. Until Kiss and Makeup came to town, there really was nowhere to go if you forgot your moisturizer, hair wax, or high end shampoo. No more Axe Hair for you, friends! Fear not, Kiss and Makeup is here!

Tim Scapes:

Of course if you’re going to P-Town, you’re going to want to pick up some kind of swanky t-shirt, right? How else will you make your other queer friends ridiculously envious? There are about a billion grimy t-shirt stores on Commercial Street about on par with those you’d find on Myrtle Beach. And that’s fine. But what if you want a shirt you’ll actually wear again? Tim Scapes is the joint. Tim is really more of an artist than a t-shirt guy. All of his designs are done with duct tape, and then screen printed onto t-shirts, sweatshirts, hats, bags, etc, creating a cool, dapper souvenir that won’t end up in your Goodwill pile. I, personally, own a sweatshirt, a t-shirt, and a tanktop, and I am currently eyeing my 2014 purchase– an adorable navy American Apparel t-shirt with a small white anchor design on the left chest. Did I mention that Tim’s only uses high end shirts from American Apparel? Which means one thing, kids… FIT FIT FIT! That’s right– no more sloppy, oversized “I Heart P-Town” shirts. And hey. Tim’s even carries hooded sweatshirts for dogs… Now, even your pets can be dapper.

Item:

Item is one of the higher end menswear stores in Provincetown. But if you have a little money burning a hole in your pocket, this is the place to get rid of it at! The selection is small but mighty, with a nautical theme throughout. You’ll find all kinds of flat front shorts, casual button downs, belts, and my favorite, understated, JFK-Goes-to-the-Cape-esque jewelry. Be warned though, nothing in Item is cheap. You’re going to pay at least $80 for anything in here, including the bracelets. Basically, if I had a laughable amount of disposable income (and believe me, someday I would like to), I’d shop my heart out here. Check them out on Facebook here.

BodyBody:

I would wear absolutely everything in BodyBody. Everything. Unlike Item, which is a little more on the casual side of things, Item carries more ties, button downs and polos. Last summer, Jill’s parents bought me a shirt and tie from BodyBody for my birthday. Word has it that Jill’s mom went right in, told the sales clerk she was looking for a gift for her girlfriend’s daughter. Not only did this not phase him (this is P-Town, after all), but he also knew exactly what style and fit to take her to that would look good on a woman. Needless to say, he was right. The shirt fits like a dream. Besides their extensive clothing collection, ranging from khakis to t-shirts, BodyBody also has the sexiest shoe extravaganza in P-Town. Right now, they’re carrying a pair of honey colored double monk straps that have taught me the meaning of shoe lust. BodyBody isn’t Butch on a Budget friendly, either (wow talk about alliteration!). But everything is high quality, designer garments that you’ll love for years down the road. Follow their Facebook page here.

MAP:

MAP is tucked away at the tail end of Commercial, out toward the West End of town, and can be easy to miss. It’s small, and if you aren’t looking, or aren’t walking up that far, you’re going to be sorry. This store is unlike any other store in P-Town. it carries an impressive array of vintage belt buckles, leather goods, and Levis. Pretty much everything in here screams Steve McQueen. Because nearly everything is legit, often handmade vintage items, MAP can be pricey. I fell in love with a calf skin chain wallet behind the counter the other day, and when the owner told me it was going for $325, I almost fell over. But even if you don’t have a wad of cash to spend on a pair of jeans, MAP is absolutely worth the look. Check out their Facebook page.

This is the wallet at MAP I’d sell my first born for… But maybe not for over $300.

ENTERTAINMENT:

There are a lot of clubs in P-Town. And I mean, a lot. Sadly, most of them are focused on gay men. If you’re fine with that, then look no further. But if you’re feeling like being surrounded by a sea-full of ladies, there are a few things to do:

Pied:

Pied is the only girl bar in town (shockingly enough). The times I’ve been in there, it’s been pretty dead. But because the pickings are slim for lesbian clubs, I’d suggest trying your hand here around 11:30pm. They have a great patio that doesn’t get too crowded, so if you’re like me, and don’t always enjoy sweaty people grabbing you by the shoulders to push through you over loud, ear-shattering bass, this may be a nice alternative.

Lesbian Nightlife:

Lesbian Nightlife is a fantastic organization that does a lot of great womens’ events in town, and throughout the country. They host the Memorial Day Weekend parties every year, and often have killer guests like Kiyomi from The Real L Word. They throw a great event. Unfortunately, they aren’t in P-Town all summer…Visit their website and sign up for events in your area.

Tea Dance at the Boat Slip:

Basically, a Tea Dance is where the whole town shows up in the afternoon, drinks rum punch from plastic cups and dances their asses off. And the Boat Slip is really the only place to do this. From 4pm-7pm everyday, you can have a mini party with just about everyone in P-Town. The Boat Slip has great music, a couple of pools (which aren’t open during Tea to avoid any drunk drownings), and cold drinks, and it’s a good start to the evening.

Look Things Up!

The best thing you can do for entertainment in P-Town is Google that shit. There are often themed parties, drag shows and comedians going on, and this is the best way to find out. Of course, you can always walk through Commercial Street and wait for someone to hand you a flyer… They always will.

FOOD:

You have to eat, right? There are a thousand places to do that in P-Town. Sounds easy. But like those t-shirt shops, it can get exhausting trying to sort through a sea of sandwiches and lobster rolls. These are a few of my favorite things.

Relish:

Jill and I like this place partly because it’s so close to our house. We usually go for the coffee, but they also carry a delicious selection of pastries, cookies and cakes. I’ve also found that their lunches are some of the best in town. Relish offers a variety of sandwiches (a glorified chicken salad with pears that I pretty much died over, a caprease style, tuna), and you have the option of getting any of them without bread (if you’re on a low-carb, beginning of summer diet like me). They’re cupcakes are tremendous, and they’ll even do custom cakes for events. Check out their menu at http://www.ptownrelish.com.

ScottCakes:

These are truly the best cupcakes in town… and maybe in the world. Scott started out selling his cakes on the streets, until some whiney nay-sayer threw a fit and complained. And thus, his slogan Legalize Gay Cupcakes was born (note: he sells t-shirts that say this. They’re adorable). Scottcakes only does vanilla cake. That’s it. When we asked him about it last summer, he said he wants to do one thing really well before he tries to venture out and do anything else. I can respect a man striving for perfection. For Jill’s birthday last year, I wanted to order some cupcakes from Scott. He was willing not only to make and sell them for me in October, but also to deliver them for a small fee.

I hope this helps give a little direction for your next trip to the great Provincetown. Now go do it up. And keep it handsome.

Meet Your New Favorite T-Shirt

I have this t-shirt that I bought at the Northeastern bookstore when I started doing my pre-med classes. It’s a simple gray with the classic college lettering, and I’ve intentionally worn and washed it at least once a week since I’ve owned it in hopes of getting that soft, vintage look and feel of a tee I’ve had since high school. After a few million washes, though, I’m still not completely happy with the outcome. How many more years of laundering am I going to have to go through to get that perfect t-shirt?? Answer: none.

Alternative Apparel has managed to create a shirt that is not only sustainable and eco-friendly, but also great to wear.

I purchased my Alternative Apparel Eco T-Shirt from Birchbox Man, who featured them as one of their April products (which, sadly, I was not lucky enough to recieve for “free” in my box that month). Right out of the package this shirt is even softer than that old Northeastern one I have, without the clumping that cotton tends to do after so many trips to the washing machine. It also lacks that thin, sheer look of worn shirts, which I think we can all appreciate.

The biggest surprise about this tee has been the fit. I chose the v-neck version, although both Alternative Apparel and Birchbox Man carry crew neck, tank top and sweatshirt versions of the same material. Now, I can’t speak for their other products (although I would love to try more of this line!) but I can say I was thrilled with the way the Eco V-Neck fit. Not only is it soft and comfortable, but it doesn’t hang like a sloppy old college tee either. The sleeves are cut high, the neck is just low enough, and the body is slim– everything you’d want in a t-shirt you can wear under a leather jacket on date night or to the gym.

I can’t say enough about these guys and what they’re doing. Sure, $28 for a t-shirt is a little steep when you compare it to the Hanes three pack at Target. But I promise, this WILL be your new favorite.

Don’t forget to sign up for Birchbox Man (www.birchbox.com/man) for the chance to get products like this very t-shirt in your monthly box!

Butch on a Budget Goes to the Beach

If you’re anything like me, you despise bathing suit season… And not necessarily for the usual reasons that women hate bathing suit season either. Sure after an entire winter spent binging on pizza and my mother in laws ravioli, I’m not psyched to show a lot of skin. But even that beats the eternal butch conundrum of what to wear to the beach.
For years I played it safe, always opting for board shorts that were far too long and a usually see-through A shirt (tank
top) that left me feeling awkward and surprisingly exposed. But what’s even MORE awkward is having to put on some kind of femmie bikini with ruffles and flowers that left me looking like (as my friend says) a confused little boy about to disappoint his conservative asshole father. Finally, a couple of summers ago, I started dabbling in actual bathing suits again.
If you aren’t too proud or can be slightly flexible in your masculinity, I’ve found that wearing a simple two piece in a masculine color without any bells and whistles can be not only sexy, but comfortable and somehow appropriately still butch. I like this number from Target made by Speedo.

It’s a solid, darker color, sporty, and simple. If $50 is a little more than you want to spend (this IS Butch on a Budget after all), then try this one, also from Target for only $15. I actually bought this one in charcoal gray last year.

If you aren’t into the two piece, try http://www.theswimoutlet.com for a lot of great one pieces. I like a simple, sporty looking suit that offers just a little more coverage, like this one, from Nike.

Now onto board shorts…

If you aren’t comfortable walking around in your suit bottoms, a good pair of board shorts goes a long way. For the butch on a budget (like myself) I really like H&M’s selection. They have a lot of shorts starting at $13 or so and maxing out around $30. Try something in a solid color, like these, from H&M:

They’re extremely versatile, and can actually be worn going to get ice cream, fried clams, or a BBQ.

If you want something a little more adventurous, try these color blocked shorts, also from H&M.

Also check out Zara, Forever 21, and Top Man for a great selection of board shorts. The important thing is length, length length! Your shorts should NOT come down past your knees. And if you’re short, like me, you probably want to stick with the super short length as shown above. Trust me, it’s a cleaner look and much more JFK than Bieber at the beach.

Finally, you’re going to want something to wear over that bathing suit top when you aren’t in the water. Tank tops look great on most butches, regardless of size. And right now, slightly oversized, skater-era tanks are big.

If you’re feeling particularly ballsy, geo and southwestern prints are really big this year, like this one from Forever 21.

For $15, it definitely fits into the Butch on a Budget’s finances. Plus, bonus, Forever 21 Men is now carrying extra smalls.

5 Ways to Up Your Style Game Using Ebay

Yeah, I said it… ebay. I hate that shit. No, seriously. I mean I really hate it. There’s nothing worse than finding something you love, getting really excited, and placing a bid, only to find out that some creeper in Montana outbid you in the last 3 seconds. That’s why I stay clear away from the whole “auction” idea.

You probably already knew that when you do a search on ebay, you can select the “buy it now” option. That means no annoying bidding, and no creeper from Montana screwing you out of Brittany Spear’s platform shoes from 1999. But what I bet you didn’t know is that there a few key items you can get on ebay for ridiculously low prices that can seriously help upgrade your style game.

1. Ties (search: skinny ties, bow ties, pre-tied bow ties).

Skinny ties, bow ties, bondage ties (no, I’m just kidding… we aren’t talking about that kind of tie here)… they’re all over ebay. I bought a pre-tied bow tie in black silk from a company in China for… get this… $.99. That’s right. $.99. Not even a dollar. You can’t get get a cup of coffee from McDonald’s for $.99 now. Shipping was even free. You aren’t even going to find a tie for $1 at Goodwill. This one doesn’t smell like cat pee, and the quality is decent. For those of you with the dapper skillz to tie your own bow tie (I’ll be posting a video on this shortly), you can also find those for a few bucks. *Disclaimer– most of the ties you’ll find for that price will be “silk.” For some reason, it’s much harder to find cotton/cloth ties for under $10.

2. Dress shirts (search: men’s slim fit dress shirt)

This one was the biggest find of all. I put in “xs men’s dress shirt and was expecting to find a couple used pieces. Instead, I found page after page of Korean/Chinese companies selling what looked to be decent dress shirts in various colors for around $11 (with shipping). Now, I’ve spent a lot of time honing which brands work for me and which don’t. An extra small shirt from Alfani is like… four times bigger than an extra small shirt from H&M, and even those shirts within the brand vary from model to model. So I took a gamble and ordered the small. I got the shirt two weeks later, and it’s now one of my favorite dress shirts. The sleeves hit in just the right place, it’s fitted but isn’t too tight like so many of my other shirts post-cruise, and the length was spot on (which is nearly impossible to find). The quality is about what you’d expect for a $10 shirt, but again, it’s new, its cheap, and the fit is fantastic. *Disclaimer– these are “asian” sizes (their term, not mine!). They run VERY small. I’m normally an extra small in SLIM shirts here, and the small in China is about one cheesburger away from being too tight. Order at least one size up, and make sure you’re ordering the US size and not the “Asian” size (a US S is an “Asian” M).

3. Pocket Squares (search: pocket squares)

These run about $2-3. If you go to JCrew you’re looking at at least $30. Even a TJ Maxx find will be at least $8. My theory on pocket squares is that you’re only looking at about a quarter inch of fabric. Most people aren’t going to judge you on the thread count… and if they do, they’re douchbags. If you don’t know how to make your own, ebay is a great place to build your stash.

4. “Leather” Jacket (search: men’s slim fit leather jacket)

Proceed with extreme caution here– I was NOT a fan of the fit here. Leather jackets are tricky. Faux leather jackets are trickier (maybe I’ll do a post just on leather jackets soon). They have to fit better than any other jacket you own. If not, you look sloppy and ridiculous. I ordered this jacket in an extra small, and unfortunately, I ran into the problem I almost always run into when I buy leather jackets… it was too long. A leather jacket should hit at your belt, and not below it (ouch). And, while there’s some wiggle room with other types of jackets, you have to stick to this rule. However, if you’re taller than I am, I highly suggest doing a search for “men’s slim leather jackets.” Worst case, you spend $25 plus shipping on a jacket you can’t wear… Not the end of the world.

5. Suspenders (search:.. uh… duh.. suspenders…)

I’ve decided to try rocking the suspenders again, since my girlfriend says she likes them. It’s been a long time since I’ve done it, but I’ve seen some great fashion posts using them with bow ties, or just open collar dress shirts. A quick ebay search yielded cheap suspenders in just about every color/print you can imagine for a total of about $4. You’ll probably want to go with the clip-on ones, like I have on here, unless you’re feeling swanky enough to get buttons tailored onto your pants (which I’ve done before). If you get the clips, you can wear them with anything from jeans to suits without having to permenantly alter your pants. *Disclaimer- I recommend a bland color like gray, khaki, black or navy, unless you’re really bold. Anything too bright or colorful is going to be limiting and (unless you’re REALLY good) detract from the dapperness of the outfit.

So there it is, folks. No bidding required. Now, if you’ll excuse me, ebay is calling.

5 Things Butch Women are Sick of Hearing

1. “But I mean, you aren’t like… BUTCH butch.”

When I was in college (AND in the closet), I took this amazing course in LGBT Literature. One of my classmates (who I affectionately refer to as the Big Dyke on Campus) did this tremendous presentation on the many different “sub-brands” (so to speak) of butch. This included anything from Stone Cold to Saturday Night Butch. Now, I think it can go without argument here that gender is pretty damn fluid. So, there are all sorts of places one can fall on the “butch” spectrum. I, for one, place myself somewhere more masculine than Kiyomi McCloskey, and more feminine than Zac Efron (though only slightly). One of my coworkers has even taken to calling me “gentle butch,” which I find utterly hilarious and adorable. What bothers me, though, is the sort of connotation that being “butch butch” is negative. Because it’s pretty clear that when straight people innocently tell me I’m not THAT butch, they’re implying that those who do fall further on the masculinity spectrum than I do are unattractive, undesirable deviants, as if they’re giving me some sort of backhanded compliment. That being said… what exactly is being “BUTCH butch?” Is one required to sport a flat top and not shave their legs? Because I haven’t shaved my legs since February, and they’re looking just one hair short of “BUTCH butch” if I do say so myself…

2. “So why do you want to be a man?”

Nothing… and I mean NOTHING… makes my blood boil more than this question. And the hardest part about it is that most of the people who ask it are well-meaning friends of mine who are just fucking clueless. Why do I want to be a man? I don’t. I really, honestly don’t. If I could teach everyone on earth one thing with this, it would be that GENDER IDENTITY IS NOT NECESSARILY RELEVANT HERE! I love and support my transgender brothers/sisters. But being butch is not the same as being transgender. I have always identified as female. That’s never been a question I’ve struggled with. I know it’s confusing… but wearing a tie to dinner doesn’t make me anymore of a man than wearing a Bruins hat makes me a hockey superstar (unfortunately… or else I’d always wear a Bruins hat…). The bottom line is, they’re just clothes. And underneath those clothes, I like my breasts (as long as they don’t get too big), and my hips (as long as they fit into my dude jeans). I cry A LOT. I’m usually the needy one in my relationships. And I love a good Nicholas Sparks movie.

As an aside… I imagine I speak for many other butches out there when I say I get extremely offended when anyone implies I have gender confusion because I like a good pair of boxer briefs. I dated a girl once who was so jaded by her ex’s transition, she accused me of wanting to do the same nearly constantly. The offensive part was the implication that I didn’t know myself. Apparently this is not a problem exclusive to straight people.

3. “So then why do you want to look like a man?”

I don’t. Or maybe I do? I don’t know. Why do you want to be a blonde? Or like to wear heels? I like what I like. I look better with short hair. And nothing makes me feel sexier than a nice suit. Also, I’d like to remind everyone that what we consider “men’s” and “women’s” clothing is just a fabrication (no pun intended) of the fashion institute. Look at skinny jeans. You can’t tell the men’s pants from the women’s these days. Why do I want to “look like a man?” Because I want to wear what looks good on me, and what doesn’t make me feel like I’ve stepped into some episode of the Twilight Zone where pink doesn’t make me look awkward.

4. “If I was a lesbian, I think I’d like more feminine girls.”

Well. Congratulations. Your input is crucial to the continuation of our species. But, alas, you are not a lesbian. So I ask you… how do you know what kind of girl you’d want to sleep with if you don’t like girls? And why does it seem that SO many bisexual women EXPLICITLY state that they are only attracted to femmes (don’t believe me, just check out OkCupid)? Listen… you like what you like. But don’t throw in your two cents about something you don’t know. And certainly don’t go out of your way to use this like a disclaimer, as if touching a girl with long hair and a huge rack makes you any less gay (guess what… is doesn’t).

5. “Well… who’s the man and who’s the woman?”

My grandfather asked this sweet, albeit incredibly insensitive question, when he first found out I was gay. Now, because he was 80, I cut him all the slack in the world. But for those of you born AFTER 1930, you have no excuse. And, in case no one’s done it yet, I’m here to educate you a little. Contrary to ABC, NBC, CBS, blah blah blah, not all lesbian couples are femme-femme. Not every Caleigh Torres wants an Arizona Robbins (although who wouldn’t? Seriously). Oh, and also, that “butch spectrum” I mentioned earlier? Ellen is like… way closer to the femme end than not. So here we have all modern media representing all lesbians as femme loving femmes. And in “real life” we have just about every ignorant person alive asking who the “man” is. The answer is neither are the man. I know. I know… this is going to be a stretch. And I realize the faux hawks and lack of makeup are throwing you for a loop. But regardless, we’re both still women. ALSO…ALSO ALSO ALSO… Here’s an interesting fact many people don’t realize… Not all butches like femmes! I know. Total mind fuck right? I’m a bad example, since I’m pretty much exclusively attracted to super femmie girl-next-door-Katie Holmes pre-Tom Cruise types. But not all butches are. Many butches are attracted to other more masculine women. I dated a butch woman once (for a whopping 2 months) and it didn’t pan out.. partly because she was a child, and partly because she just wasn’t my type. And I admit, I struggled at times with the image of two masculine women being together. But then I stopped giving a fuck. Because who really cares how the world see it after all of the victories we’ve already won together? My point is, no one is the man. And don’t be so quick to assume that anyone is even more masculine than the other. Lesbian relationships: typical gender stereotypes need not apply.

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The Dapper Butch

Style. Wisdom. Life.